Why, Meg, Why?

Meg Ryan

An open letter to Meg Ryan:

Dear Meg,
You were my first movie star crush. You were my ideal woman for almost all of my childhood. But today, my love, all that changed with your appearance on Oprah. Or, to be more specific, the appearance of your lips. Why, of why, would you brutalize your mouth so much. First, there was the collagen injections and lip plumping a few years back. But now it appears that that the beestung flesh has been lanced off, leaving you with lips that even a facial burn victim would be disappointed with. I can forgive changing your kids names willy-nilly and going all Angelina Jolie on the third world. But it was nearly impossible to watch your interview without staring and staring at that mangled upper lip (trust me, the picture doesn’t do it justice — or injustice, as it were). And to think, the rest of your face is still so pretty.

What did Dennis Quaid and Russell Crow do to you? You were soooo cute. Not fair.
Love,
-Ted

PS: I forgive you.
Just lay off the eyelifts, OK?

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