My Cat Hates You

Over the weekend Ana and I drove up to visit our New Yawk friends, Matt, Gwynne, and Gabe, and to see The Royal We’s new show, “Be All That You Can Buy.” As always, we had a great time visiting Brooklyn, taking in some quality sketch comedy, and crashing with the Johnsons. Actually, let my qualify that last item — I enjoyed crashing with most of the Johnsons, but distinctly disliked sleeping with Ethel the cat. It wasn’t really sleeping so much as it was Ethel sitting atop my face, attempting to suffocate me with her furry bulk. Gwynne and Matt said that she does that all the time, and that she’s being affectionate, but I only needed to point to my cheek for contradictory evidence.

The night before, when I attempted to pick Ethel up, the wack-job carved two symmetrical lines in my face, from my jaw line to mid-cheek. (I’m sorry to be calling your cat a wack-job, Gwynne, but not as sorry as she would’ve been if I’d retaliated. Uh huh.) A few days later and I’m still brandishing my wounds, which, when coworkers ask, I’m alternately attributing to a knife fight and Ana’s bedroom hijinks. My bitterness towards Ethel (the ungrateful feline who I used to babysit!) still hasn’t subsided, and I’m starting to realize that, excluding my beloved Scout and Fuzzy, just about every cat out there hates me. (That includes you, Rizzo, biatch!) And it is with her in mind that I present MyCatHatesYou.com, a website devoted to darker side of the feline species.

From the site’s about page:

While I am allergic to cats, and do not actually own one myself (if owning a cat is even possible), I find them amusing, insightful, playful, somewhat endearing, and the list goes on.

But there is another side to Cat, is there not? A side that harbors deep-seated, almost primal, resentment toward us and our gangly, pseudo-intelligent, simian ways. And what creature wouldn’t? If someone treated YOU the way we treat THEM, you would hate too.

The premise behind this site is just that; your cat, though soft, cuddly and sweet, could really do without the likes of you, and me. To prove this point, MyCatHatesYou (MCHY) was born.

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