Hair Watch: Day 3

Wolfowitz’s miracle hair tonic: I’d heard the rumors, but it wasn’t until we saw Fahrenheit 9/11 last night that I realized how charming it is to see Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz fixing his hairdo with human saliva. And not just his own phlegm. In the clip, which plays during the opening of the movie (a smorgasbord of politician primping), Wolfie licks a comb, brushes it through his ungainly locks, applies some more spit, and then, in a touching moment, his assistant uses some of his own juice to finish off the coif. Cynics might point to this as an example of disgusting right-wing hair carejuxtaposing it against the Democrats’ more genteel, salon-going ways. But I say it shows the way that the GOP sticks togetherquite literallyto make their manicured hair-parts a team effort. Who needs AquaNet when you’ve got friends like these?

Despite all this, it’s clear from the above picture, a hair disaster, that Wofie could still use a makeover. That’s why I was delighted to hear that Queer Eye for the Straight Guy has taken the challenge. As the Fab Five’s Kyan Douglas suggests, highlights and Redken’s “Rough Paste” might be just the thing to give him a “tousled, sexy, ‘just got up from a romp in the hay with a hot babe’ look.”

(If anyone can find me a screen shot of the aforementioned F9/11 scene, I’d be extremely grateful. Email me at ted@turkeymonkey.com)

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