A Date with the Shocker

The best email I’ve received all year arrived yesterday, courtesy of David Pizzi, my former assistant at Grey Worldwide. Dave’s message pointed me to http://www.marryblaire.com, where Blaire Allison, a 26-year-old Jerseyite who specializes in Bachelorette Party planning, has appealed to the web masses to help find her a husband by December 2004. Dave, as it turns out, isn’t just some dirty lurker on the girl’s site; he’s the “Man of the Week,” the latest date candidate offered up to her site’s readers for evaluation. Here’s an excerpt from the Dave page: “So – what do we think? I think he’s totally adorable! I just love a man in a suit!”

Oh yeah, and I also dig a man who can administer the shocker!

I have fond memories of Dave’s and my time at Grey. As advertising agencies go, Grey was about as soulless and corporate as you get, and Dave helped make my final days there bearable. With all our bosses fired, and us basically working on a defunct account, we enjoyed extra long luncheswatching the NCAA tournament, catching a matinee of “Blow,” and wandering aimlessly around Times Squareduring which Dave recounted his most recent office conquest. Telling me about one girl he recently had relations with, he explained that “she just loved the shocker.”

“The what?” I said.
“You don’t know the shocker?” Dave said, surprised. He held up his index and pinky fingers, making a horn gesture, aka the sign of the cuckold. “You know,” he grinned, “Shock. Her.” He jabbed his fingers upward, shaking them in the air. Something about the bug-eyed, disgusted expression on my face made him laugha booming belly chuckle. For a brief moment, I worried that Dave might try to shock me.

It’s been about five years, but I haven’t forgotten about Pizzi. So, yes Blaire, I think he’s a keeper. Despite the red eyes and Montclair State University diploma, he’s a good man who will make you happy. Witness the recent email exchange, where one of Dave’s snotty friends responded to his message with, “that chick looks like a mule with an ‘a’ cup. … seriously son, you hit that didn’t you?” To which Dave responded: “She modeled for Maxim…not too shabby.” How many guys out there will stick up for you like that? I rest my case. And, in so doing, hereby nominate Dave Pizzi as Mr. Blaire Allison, 2004.