Cream of the June Esquire Crop

I keep having the urge to post my thoughts on magazine articles and news tidbits. One day, I’d like to have a site devoted to just that purpose. My friend Andy and I keep bouncing format suggestions off each other (Plone, Plastic, and Dude, Check this Out! are just a few of the models that we’ve toyed with), but so far we haven’t got anything fully operational yet. So, until our dream is realized, I’ll just continue posting random links and quotes here. This week’s installment: What I liked from the June 2004 Esquire.

The mag’s front-of-the-book piece, “A Funny* Joke from a Beautiful Woman,” is usually less that hilarious — often making the page’s footnote, “*Esquire cannot guarantee that this joke will be funny to everyone,” sound like the real punch line. But this month’s joke, from Diane Kruger, the smokin’ hot actress who plays Helen in the new movie Troy, is actually pretty good.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile on his face. The egg is frowning and looking frustrated. The egg says, “Guess we answered that question.”

Another age-old question answered in the issue is that of monkey crossbreeding, coincidentally the same issue at the core of this website. The topic is brought up in the Q&A section of the mag, Answer Fella, however they address it from the perspective of humans and apes breeding together. The logic being, if tigers and lions can crossbreed to create super-species like ligers and tigons, then “couldn’t we theoretically mate with our monkey pals to create a new breed of man-chimp? And could this be the explanation for Robin Williams?” For the answer, check out the Esquire website here.

And finally, the most illuminating page was the guide to how to tie a Windsor, Half Windsor, and Four-in-Hand knot in your necktie. I know I once learned all this for my adolescent dance classes, but it’s still nice to have the diagrams in front of me again, with plenty of time to practice for the wedding. Unfortunately, Esquire didn’t put a copy on their website (at least I couldn’t find it), but in a quick Google search I did come up with an equivalent. The pictures aren’t quite as good, but then again they didn’t cost $3.

Sorry that this only amounts to three articles of fluff. There were stories on John Kerry and the Rumsfeld Pentagon’s “New Map of the World,” but nothing worth recounting here. In my opinion, the New Yorker’s recent pieces put anything I’ve read in Esquire or Vanity Fair to shame.