Open for Bidness

It is with some trepidation and more than a little confusion that I declare turkeymonkey.com fully operational. The last time that I messed around with the web like this was freshman year of college. Id recently graduated from Philips Academy Andover, a once prestigious New England boarding school. Of course, you probably now know it as the first in a long line of enablers of George W Bush. And yes, this is true. But please remember: At Andover, W was a male cheerleader. Can’t we at least be glad for that nugget of indignity?

Anyway, back in 1995, the big A will still very much on my brain, as was the new fangled Internet. Andover didnt yet have a website and I took it upon myself to create one for them, complete with historical pictures of the campus, a brief bio of the Academys founder, Samuel Philips, and nude photos of Cindy Crawford. The site was one of those autogenerated student URLs with about twenty tildas marking the way. Yet, despite its obscurity, it somehow managed to be the first link on Yahoo! when you searched for Andover. All right, I know howI listed it and passed myself off as a school authority.

Soon after the thousandth hit, I got an email from a Dean Wormer-like administrator asking me to take the site offline. I offered to call it The Unofficial Andover Homepage,” but that didnt exactly fly. The next day I got an email from Penn IT, and then the Provosts office. I didnt respond to any of them, figuring that it would be best to play this like a game of Marco Polo–keep quiet, don’t identify yourself, and they’ll find some other fella to bop. About a week or so later the website was gone, naked supermodels and all. Eventually Andover got a legit website of their own. Glad that I could help.

I share this story for one simple reason: There will be no naked people on this website.

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